Circling the drain in an overflowing pool

I feel the need to desensitize myself from my current reality.
I feel the need to be calm and breathe.
I feel the need to accept all and be at peace with things.
I feel the need to find a real sense of tranquility.
-
Oh.
-
Breathe.
-
B-R-E-A-T-H-E
-
OH.
-
I feel the need to kick your fucking face in.
I feel the need to run over you with my car, back up, & do it again.
I feel the need to hogtie you with your own hair and roast you over a spit-fire.
I feel the need to tell you things won't work out for you out of spite.
I feel the need to scream at you until I lose my own voice.
I feel the need to emasculate you in a VERY public way.
I feel the need to take a louisville slugger to your precious car.
I feel the need to punch your lights out and strangle you with my belt.
I feel the need to steal your identity and fuck with your credit.
-
B-R-E-A-T-H-E
-
1...2...3...4...4...5..6.7...8...9..........10


I am livid.
I am angered.
I am enraged.
I am pissed.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9............10


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Love Street- Tomorrows Bad Seeds

Sketch22

Do I -
have to strangle you with a microphone wire to get my point across?
turn up the volume and start a fire 
At the time there were only raindrops on the glass windowpane
but now theres smoke comin out in clouds
Let's snap our fingers and dance together
burn together, run together
to the sea where freedom is actually free.


Do you wanna burn down the town with me?
Wanna run away with me?
Wrap your arms around me and we'll burn together
I won't let you burn out. 


Sway like reeds in the wind 
Bend like the river
Be vocal like a singer
Close your eyes and find an unfamiliar place, that oh-so familiar place. 
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe

Could tea be a religion?...please?

Between frequent nursing, aches & pains, creative thoughts running rampant through my head, hormones running rampant through my body and all the stresses of new motherhood-ism I have little time to actually think of having any real time to myself. I am constantly moving with my son between our house and grandmas, sleep deprivation has definitely taken hold because I'm beginning to feel that sense of being "awake" when I've really had no sleep and I can't seem to find the energy or discipline to do what every parenting book tells me to do..."rest when baby rests". For instance, Kaiden has been asleep for a definite portion of today and I find that I have stayed up all the way since his 6 am feeding with the exception of maybe a 20min nap with him in the living room chair.


But, now he sits calmly in his chair, me rocking him with my left foot and I can sit and write. I've even managed to make a cup of tea. Ah, tea. Tea is this wonderful thing that seems to have been bred into my family. Although I can be known for sucking down so much Rockstar that I actually would buy it by the case and buy ridiculous Starbucks drinks with excessive amounts of espresso in them, most of family is full of "tea people" not "coffee people". I can't honestly remember the last time I REALLY enjoyed a cup of tea since Kaiden was born, of course I'm not sure that I've even had the time to make tea since he was born. Maybe getting up at 6am due to pre-birth insomnia to enjoy some was my best bet and that happened maybe twice. Kind of like my whole swimming regimen, happened 2 days in a row and not since. 


But, I can honestly say that I really enjoy being able to write and actually enjoy my tea without the fear of spilling a hot liquid on my son or having to worry about it getting cold because I don't have the time to drink it. 
Honestly people if you have any sort of "me" time, take it from me, whether it's tea, coffee, a good book or even good sex - take it. Who knows when you may get the chance to TRULY enjoy it again. lol

Dirty Heads Knows that I